Expectations
it's late Sunday morning, i feel like crap. apparently i've caught some kind of cold. really ? a cold in the middle of spring ? i can understand getting a cold in the middle of winter ... but now, in early May ? guess all i can do is take my meds, get some rest, and hope for the best. but first things first ...
most people who have blogs usually have a specific topic they discuss, and more often than not, do not really reveal much of their personal life. but some, like me, open themselves up to anyone who happens to pass by their site. i have intended my blog to show all sides of myself, as long as it was real. some of the times it's hard for me to write about the negative, as i feel that it pigeonholes me into being a negative person. which i would assume most of my friends would attest to, that im not. i use the blog as a chronicle to the events going on in my life. hoping that over time, by revisiting these posts i will find things about myself that i can change to make myself a better person, for myself and for those around me.
there was a strong desire to want to do this in a podcast format. but more often than not there were others involved in my stories, and it wouldn't be right of me to talk of situations where others wouldn't be able to put their own input to the stories, weather i agree with them or not. i'm still toying with the idea, but not until i find a way that it can be done where all could have equal input, cause not everyone would be comfortable behind the mic.
this week has probably been one of the worst weeks i've had in a really long time. personal issues late last week, on top of some lay off's on Monday at work (thankfully i was not one of them), on top of more personal issues toward the end of this week brought me into a deep depression. by friday, i had no idea where to turn. it seemed like anything i needed in my life or cared about was nowhere to be found, to say that i was "in a funk" would have been an understatement. i had about 7 Shiner bottles left in the fridge, and was planning on drinking all of them that night just to forget all the things that were happening. thankfully, after about a bottle and a half, i fell asleep on the couch. i've never been a big drinker, but when things like this happen i notice i tend to reach for alcohol to forget, if even for only a few hours. i know its not right, but it is definitely not something i do on a regular basis
despite the fact that i'm kinda sick at the moment, i do feel a little better. i believe that over time things will work out, even if in a way that i don't agree with. im ok, just trying to sort out what life has thrown my way. i honestly believe that the future looks bright, just a matter of getting everything in its place.
